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Adults Only teaser: Q&A with Alan Walters

10. Alan WaltersJoanne Hichens – editor of the Adults Only, the second annual Short.Sharp.Stories Awards anthology – interviews Alan Walters. His story “A Threesome In The New South Africa” was selected for inclusion in the anthology.

So, tell us about yourself.

I was born in the West Midlands area of the UK, and worked in the city of Wolverhampton as a General Practitioner for 20 years. I then moved into hospital medicine and became a colonoscopist. Anyone who has lived and worked in Wolverhampton will realise why it is preferable to push tubes into people’s bottoms rather than work in the city. Our daughter, the talented Sarah Lotz, married a South African and moved to Port Shepstone South Africa.

In the year 2000 we followed, having had a holiday home built near Howick. Carol, my wife, and I left the UK for good when a company we were working for decided that they had overpaid us for many years and wanted some cash back. We disagreed, but forgot to give them our forwarding address.

Two years later, with Sarah single again, we all moved to Noordhoek. Wow, paradise found! For the past ten years I have worked part of the time in Germany as a Doctor for the British Army. And now I work for a paramedic/ambulance company responding to emergencies and dragging people out of car wrecks.

And what do you enjoy reading, as escape?

I read and collect all kinds of authors. Favourites are Stephen King, Michael Connelly, Robert Crais, Michael Dibdin, Jo Nesbo, Gerald Seymour, Jonathan Kellerman, Haruki Murakami, Lionel Shriver, Anthony Horowitz and, of course, Sarah Lotz. All easy-reading kind of stuff. I have collected books all my life, all genres and all authors. I was sad to have had to give most of my collection away when I moved here. My favourite author at the moment, who else but Sarah Lotz, but then I would say that wouldn’t I?

So what did Sarah think of your story “A Threesome in the New South Africa”?

I can only tell you as it is, and I hope it doesn’t offend anyone! She thought it was well-written and hilarious but said, several months back, that it would not win anything as it “wasn’t up its own arse enough.”

Oooh I love your turn of phrase, Alan! Or is it Sarah’s?

She has entered 12 such competitions in her life, she said, always got published but never won a thing. She also said my story would not win the most hilarious story as she knew that the type of humour would not appeal to certain judges and that there was political incorrectness, despite that being the whole point of the story.

And your wife? Does she have an opinion on your contribution?

My wife Carol is mildly amused.

Did you worry about offending readers?

I would be very upset if I did not offend a few people. I would look on it as a failure.

It was fun to write. I enjoyed it. I deliberately set out to make it as outrageous and raunchy as possible, hoping to shock as well as amuse. Never had a threesome, but I am always open to offers. Don’t knock it until you have tried it is my mantra. But please – women only.

So what’s next for you?

I have started three or four novels but found my life too busy and gave them up. I have more time now and have thought about trying again.

Thanks, Alan, we hope you will, and that whatever you write, you maintain the raucous irreverence that caught our eye in the first place!

  Adults OnlyBook details


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