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Two Dogs / Mercury

@ Sunday Times Books LIVE

Oscar and OJ should start a club

Due to recent events we felt it was necessary to make this excerpt from our new book Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Zuma Years available for everyone to read.

Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Zuma Years, the newest book in the Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? series, hit stores in the beginning of June as a part of Exclusive Books’ Homebru promotion. It is an entertaining read that discusses the everyday struggles in South Africans from AA to JZ and everything in between.

The Oscar Pistorius trial

Jesus wept.

For so many reasons.

Let me start by using this entry as a public service announcement to the rest of the world: contrary to some reports, Oscar Pistorius is not what all South African white guys are like. First, most of us can’t run 400 metres in 45 seconds. Second, most of us don’t shoot our girlfriends dead. Third, most of us have two legs.

That last point is an important one because, given the facts of the case, Oscar Pistorius did not have two… You know.

What I’m saying is that’s just one crazy man with a gun and the only reason it all got so hysterical and out of control and unbelievable – I mean, it was actually unbelievable – was because of the way the world saw him, both before and after he shot dead Reeva Steenkamp. Cut through the smoke, mirrors, press and PR and you’ve just got a nasty piece of work with a temper.

Listen, we’re used to being embarrassed by public figures: every apartheid leader there was; Mbeki, with his radical views on AIDs; Zuma, full stop; Heyneke Meyer singing the national anthem. Oscar, however, churned up some of the most cringe-worthy moments in living memory. Here they are in no particular order:

1) He was found not guilty of murder. Mind-boggling. The verdict was eventually overturned on appeal, yes, but only a judge could have talked herself into that one.

2) The dedicated Oscar Trial TV channel. There are near on 18,000 murders in South Africa every year but a famous killer gets his own TV show.

3) The media meltdown. Seasoned, educated and credible journalists reduced to headless Twitterbots sitting in the courtroom day after day reporting every banal word to the social media vultures. Ooh, want to know what they said at the trial today? Please, God, no.

4) The shoot-up in the restaurant. “Why,” the world asked, “did he fire a gun in a restaurant?” And all we as South Africans could do was shrug and say, “Joburg”.

5) The Pistorians. The who? The crazy, deluded, fame-hungry fans of Oscar Pistorius who dedicated their time to trying to defend the gun-touting hooligan’s actions both outside the court and all over social media. These are the kind of people who marry serial killers on death row. Or become serial killers on death row. They’ve now taken to wearing all white for some reason that nobody cares about.

6) The utter shit-show of the police investigation. Never mind the contamination of evidence; never mind the forensic incompetence that we’ve come to expect in every murder trial ever prosecuted in South Africa; at this particular crime scene the police stole two of Pistorius’s wristwatches. The fucking police stole his watches. And what’s worse, the presiding officer, having noticed the case of designer watches sitting so temptingly in the corner, specifically warned his underlings not to do it. And still they did it. And then it was reported to the entire world.

Watching the Oscar Pistorius trial unfold was like watching your child pull down his pants and take a dump in the middle of the aisle at your friend’s wedding: there was nothing you could do to stop it so you sat back and watched in utter horror just praying that somehow the rest of the world wouldn’t notice.

Sorry, world.

 

Want more Kak?


KAK_COV_ZUMA_mini

Book details:

Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Zuma Years by Tim Richman

Book homepage

EAN: 9781928230335

Buy the book here

Buy the eBook here

 

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